Puns

I did not plan on becoming “the duck pun person” in my friend group. It happened by accident, on a random Tuesday when I took my nephew to feed the ducks at the park near our house and one of them chased him for a piece of bread. He came back laughing so hard he … Read more

I didn’t set out to become the person who saves weed puns in her notes app. It started because a friend group chat turned into a nightly pun war, and somehow I kept winning. A few months of that, a stack of birthday cards, and one very confused dispensary cashier later, I had enough material … Read more

I wrote my first ghost pun by accident. A friend left my chat on read for four days, and when he finally replied “sorry, was busy,” I sent back “no worries, I know how hard it is to stay corporeal.” He didn’t get it at first, then he did, and he replied with three laughing … Read more

Last year, I spent almost an hour scrolling through generic birthday memes for my brother’s 30th, and none of them landed. Then I threw in one cheesy “you’re grate at getting older” line into his card as a last-minute joke, and it got the biggest laugh of the whole party. That’s the moment I realized … Read more

Last month I was cleaning out my closet and found a small grey stone sitting on my windowsill — one my nephew gave me years ago because he said itIt looked like a tiny potato. I almost threw it out, then laughed and put it right back. That’s the thing about rocks: nobody thinks about … Read more

I still remember standing in the break room three years ago, holding a half-signed card, completely blank on what to write for my manager’s last day. Everyone around me was scribbling “Congrats on retirement!” like it was a group homework assignment. I wanted something that would actually make him laugh out loud when he opened … Read more

I did not plan on becoming the person who collects crab puns. It happened by accident, on a family trip to the coast last summer, when my nephew found a hermit crab in a bucket and refused to let it go until I gave it a “proper introduction.” I panicked and said, “Meet Sandy, she’s … Read more

I’ll be honest with you: the first time I dropped a Dick pun in our group chat, I got three “no” reactions and one “I’m telling your mom.” Then, ten minutes later, someone in that same chat used it as their status. That’s the whole appeal of a good Dick pun — you resist it, … Read more

I still remember the first time a fruit pun actually worked on someone. I sent my sister a text that just said, “I’m one in a melon, and you’re the other one,” after she texted me a picture of us at a farmer’s market. She replied with four laughing emojis and used it as her … Read more

I’ll be honest I didn’t expect to fall down a monkey pun rabbit hole. It started when I was making a birthday card for my nephew, who is obsessed with monkeys, and one bad “ape-solutely” joke turned into a two-week hobby of collecting every monkey pun, jungle joke, and banana one-liner I could find. Somewhere … Read more